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We’re running our summer European Residential Training program in Budapest on 11th-17th April. You will get to practice touching, escalation and much more. Come and work with the best coaches in the world for a week of intense personalized coaching, and reap the rewards during summer!
Some guys manage to overcome this fear and approach her… and they hit a new road block! A new type of pressure builds, and they do anything they can to escape it and release the pressure.
The two main ways guys do this: talking too fast… and asking for their number.
Asking for the number is great, it shows a clear intention, but… during many of my live bootcamps, I see students talking to girls for 1 minute, taking her number, and running away.
“Go back in!” I tell them. “You’re just leaving because you can’t handle the pressure of talking to her. Go and sit in the pressure, and build a connection.”
In this video you see me do both these things. Leaving space for her to invest, and staying after I get her number to find out more about her.
That silence… THIS is where that ‘spark’ is born, that edge, the feeling that the girl gets that makes her excited to be around a guy. Sitting in that silence is such a simple way for her to feel like you’re a bad boy who has sexual charisma.
We’re running our summer European Residential Training programin Budapest on 11th-17th April. You will get to practice touching, escalation and much more. Come and work with the best coaches in the world for a week of intense personalized coaching, and reap the rewards during summer!
The search for rejection proof methods has created an entire industry of bullshit, promising covert tactics that promise to save you ever feeling the pain of rejection. The truth is it doesn’t exist and you have to come to peace with the inevitable percentage of women that won’t be interested.
Guys often ask me “Do you ever get blown out?” “Can you pickup every woman you approach?” The funny thing about the seduction industry, is that the teachers often get elevated to god like status, with viewers presuming we don’t experience the knock backs that they fear.
So I finally decided to release some footage of the “rejections” I experience. My hit rate on cold approach is very high. It wasn’t always so, I’ve been doing this for nearly 10 years. These days I get numbers off around 50% of the girls I approach but of course, there are plenty of women I meet who aren’t interested and I wanted to show you guys how to handle this elegantly.
In these clips you’ll see that the “rejection” is no big deal. We have a chat, I state my intention, she states hers;) and we part ways without any crushing defeat for me, or painfully awkward situation. Often the girls are happy to have had the compliment, have respect for me but for whatever personal reason they have, there’s no continuation.
It’s important to understand that for a woman meeting a stranger on the street, often her first reflex is to end the interaction. This does not mean you are a loser, or that she is a nasty bitch. She can’t judge you or reject you as a complete person because she doesn’t know you. She is simply rejecting the advances of a stranger, which is her right. You have no idea what is going on in her personal life, how nervous she is with strangers, or what mood she is in.
When I’m coaching new guys I see the panic they feel when a girl says no and they rush to escape the tension and perceived rejection. This is wrong. I teach them to stay there for a minute or two and to “Exit”, rather than be “blown out” .
It’s an important distinction. If you shrink away in defeat and allow shame and embarrassment to take you over, it will be nearly impossible to continue working on your approaches long term. The flip side is getting reactive and resentful to women, which will also twist you and make you rigid and unable to empathise (One of the key seduction skills).
So next time a girl says no, stay there a while longer. Wish her a good day and proudly make your exit because you chose to leave, not because you interpreted her response as your personal defeat.
P.S I’m just about to head to the US for our final workshop of the year. 5th – 11th Oct in New York City (arguably the best city in the world for meeting women, once you know how)
We have 1 spot left, this is literally your last chance to work with me and the crew until April next year, so click HERE to get on board.
A simple example; James and me were talking to two Russian sisters.
Her: This shirt makes you look boring
James: [Smiles, doesn’t say anything]
Her: [Turns to me] Don’t you think his shirt is ugly!
Me: [Smiles] I think it suits him… I think you secretly like it coz it makes him look a sexy businessman. Is that your fantasy?
Her: Ohhh… Mr Executive [She blushes and playful slaps him] I might have to work late tonight… sir.
It’s simple, but I’m siding with him, and turning her playing jab into something they can flirt about.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but a lot of guys can’t handle the social pressure when meeting knew people, and the only way they know how to deal with the tension is to pull other people down.
2. Helping At Key Moments
Developing a good wingman relationship means knowing how to make things easy for each other. Any point where a simple helpful gesture can move the whole seduction forward costs your nothing but helps a lot.
Examples of this include:
-talking to a girls male friends to distract him
-helping him to find a taxi when he’s taking her home
-lending him money to buy after party drinks
-letting him use your phone for google maps
-lending him condoms
-giving him the house keys
-putting on music
3. Releasing the social pressure and making the girl feel safe.
This is probably the most advanced aspect of being a good wingman. Any moment where you are interacting with the girl your wing is seducing, your goal should be making her feel, relaxed, safe, and included.
At the bar this means positioning your body so she can be part of the conversation, keeping a warm friendly energy towards her, releasing social pressure by smiling. Don’t try to be funny or put her down. For most girls this will put unnecessary awkwardness into the situation for no reason.
This is even more important when he brings her home. When they walk in, smile, introduce yourself, and remember that she is entering a strangers house. How you act in this situation can determine how relaxed she feels about staying. This is NOT the time for in jokes or trying to be funny. Be polite, friendly, and make yourself scarce once she’s settled in.
We’re coming to USA in October! We’re running a NYC workshop 5th-11th October. You will get to practice touching, escalation and much more. We won’t be back coaching in USA till October 2016 so this is your last chance to come and work with the best coaches in the world for a week of intense personalized coaching. Click here.
I’ve also taught many men, who from societal judgement are successful, tall, good looking, charming, kind who (until we kicked them into gear), labored through frustrating loneliness and relationships with women they accepted out of scarcity.
Watch our shy, short Asian student work through his demons to success
Of course, having a working knowledge of seduction, delivery, presence, body language, logistics, escalation, all this is important. However, underlying the approach you use, the tricks you try is your own sense of self worth, entitlement and mission purpose. Without strength here, you will struggle endlessly against your own shadow. I think the roots of most men’s insecurities are deep and often complicated but there are two aspects that tend to dominate.
One is a nagging doubt that inherently you don’t have what it takes, that for some reason outside your control, you were given a shitty hand to play with. The other aspect is a misunderstanding about what women actually want from a man. We are sold certain standards through our society and media that equate male sexual success with looks, money and status.
The truth is women are generally after something much more valuable and rare, a man who can handle her. A man who makes her feel sexy or as the girl in the video says about Jack, to “Feel like a woman”. The paradox is that worthiness and confidence are not destination states. You don’t get them and that’s it. The process of cold approaching women, forces you to confront your real and imagined limitations and if done intelligently gives you new thinking tools to discern which are delusional bad mindsets and which are areas you need to work on in yourself.
This short film follows the journey one of our students Jack went through with us on a recent Euro Tour. Jack is a 5’3”, shy, inexperienced guy from Taiwan. After years of experimenting with other schools, he came to us with a firm commitment to finally solve this problem. Although as you see, he has a rough start, his plucky good humour and persistence pays off. It’s so gratifying as a coach to help guys like Jack who have great hearts and so much to offer women, finally crack the internal and real world codes for releasing their masculine potential.
If you’ve let those dark cyclical thoughts in your head of not being tall, rich or cool enough stop you from meeting the women of your dreams, take some inspiration from Jack and get out there to seize your dreams.
P.S – We have only one of this year’s 20 Euro Tour spots left for the September workshop (2nd – 14th Sep). If you want to sort your mindsets and your game this year, click HERE NOW.
(The mind’s anxious dialogue begins) Whoa, who’s that guy, why is she with him? Lightly touching his arm and smiling from ear to ear like he’s so impressive. Does he know game as well? Yeah, he must. Did she forget me? Should I say hi to remind her? Fuck, why is seduction so hard?
Sound familiar, don’t worry guys. Time and time again, I went out at night and wanted a particular girl all to myself. I would meet a feminine, attractive, witty woman with confidence, who reminded me of why I got in seduction (for women like her), only to see her moments later giggling and flirting with another guy. It jived my emotions towards jealousy, then envy, then hope, etc. This is when I noticed, something needed to change…
Fast-forward dozens and dozens of situations like this to today, things have changed for me..
Me: “I will be around but just in case I lose you to a special new boyfriend, give me your number”.
Girl: haha ok.
What do you know, she’s with another guy…
Well game on, I guess I’ll go get her back..
(Random guy’s confused mind) What guy just walks a girl away while she’s in conversation? Does she know him? He’s a short fucker. Yeah they must know each other. Stupid slut.
Me: “I regret marrying you. My heart is in pain unless you mend it by saying I love you”.
Girl: “hahaha I love you. You are crazy!”
What a shift huh? After meeting many women out at night, I came to the understanding that often women want to flirt with many guys. A big reason women go out is to feel the validation of multiple men chasing her.
Even though we may have had a good connection, it doesn’t mean I own her or she owes me anything. Of course, she’s likely to flirt around the room before choosing a guy.
But it’s not just random chance who gets the girl. If I’ve had a good connection with her and then take the lead and keep several important principles in mind, then most of the time, other men are no real competition.
As you can see in the infield video, I manage to take a girl back from 2 much bigger and persistent guys using the following 3 concepts:
- Stop engaging with the men she is talking to. My mindset is that all other guys are irrelevant to the interaction. The girl matters. Go right to the girl and engage her like you know her. Well, because you do. When your competition inevitably tries to engage you or her, dismiss him without aggression and focus on the girl.
- “ Move her. Move fast”.
Before the girl even has a chance to process what’s happening, I move her after saying hi again. In some cases I literally pick her up but the important thing is to create physical distance between her and other men. Be aware that I would only do this to women I clearly had a good connection with. Which brings us to the the third point…
- Flirtatiously set up a role-play to get her on my side.
Women love role-playing. Most conversations in clubs are boring and predictable. Women go out to have fun and live out fantasies, and playing roles is an important part of that. Part of how I create a unique connection, is to often set up fun role playing dynamics. Use your imagination, simple stuff like Husband/Wife, Boss/Secretary, King/Queen etc. These roles have automatic sexual tension and rapport built into them, allowing you to stand out and bypass all the boring small talk. This means when I reapproach I can jump straight back into role play; “ Is my wife on the verge of cheating on me?”.
Be playful with it and she will respond very well.
Follow these simple steps and you’ll find when you go out at night, it will no longer seem like a chaotic free for all. Instead you will be able to confidently meet, attract, and get back the women you speak to.
Try out my tips and watch the woman of “his dreams”, fall back into your arms. Until next time…
P.s. If you want more counter intuitive secrets and to learn in real time how to master night game (and everything else), come train with me and the TNL crew on our upcoming workshops:
But how soon should you get physical? Often it’s MUCH sooner than most men think. Most guys get stuck in boring conversations with girls that is stimulating for neither of them, which in the long term leads to being seen as the ‘nice guy’ who’s a ‘great friend’ but…. Girls never see him as the type of guy who has that sexual spark, that edge, that burst of excitement that leads them to see him as someone they want to sleep with.
For guys in this position, starting to introduce touch is going to make your intentions much clearer.
Touch has two powerful effects:
-it shows your intentions, shows that you can take risks, and that you are bold
-the way you handle her reaction to the touch, meanwhile, shows her that you can respect her boundaries.
As you see in this video, I take a risk by offering to dance with her on the street. She follows my lead. I take another risk when I kiss her neck, and then draw investment from her when I get her to kiss me back.
Later, when I try hugging her from the back as she use’s my phone, she makes it clear she’s not comfortable with this. Reading this signal, I back off. This sends a clear message
“I will touch you if you’re enjoying it, and I’ll stop when you’re uncomfortable.”
This is a powerful combination. It shows her you have balls, but also respect. She can trust you to read her signals and flow at a pace she feels okay with.
So it’s never too soon to start touching, as long as you can give her the space to say no and respect her wishes.
It’s one thing to read this, better to watch it… but nothing compares to being able to practice this in real life. What if you could walk through how to get physical with a woman in a classroom environment, and then go infield with a coach who will listen into to the interaction and give you clear feedback about what you need to change? Often the way you speak, the way you stand, everything about your physicality has to change.
We’re running our FINAL European Residential Training program for the year in Budapest on 2nd– 9th August. You will get to practice touching, escalation and much more. We won’t be back coaching in Europe till 2016 so this is your last chance to come and work with the best coaches in the world for a week of intense personalized coaching.
When it comes to being a great seducer and lover it is important to keep a focus on sharing sexual adventures worth remembering.
There are a lot of areas that you can explore when it comes to sexual, personal and PUA development. Being more sensual and capable as a lover is one of the most important if you truly wish to convey a high level of confidence in your ability to lead, satisfy and be well remembered by a lover.
Developing a well-rounded lover skill set is something that will definitely change your life for the better. In my opinion it is something that every man should have high on his list of personal development and sexual relationship goals. Ideally this learning curve is about opening yourself to a strong sense of sensual expression so that you can explore and share a deeper range of sexual and sensual variety. With practice this will develop a more extended capacity to be sensual, sexual, creative, intuitive, and confident. With more capacity and skill the whole experience of sex and sensuality can go to a new level.
GET IT ON!
So when it comes to navigating the sensual oceans that exist between lovers, where do we start?
Recognise where you’re at and start from there.
We all exist on some spectrum of skill and experience in being great lovers, and we all have potentials, strengths and weaknesses in different areas. The good news is that we can always learn to be better lovers. Like learning to cook or exercise it’s a life skill that will benefit you no matter who you are.
There are few investments in life that give us (and our lucky lovers) the returns that becoming a good lover will. The hard part of the process is recognizing that it takes time to get good at anything. It has been said in studies of mastery that it takes at least 10,000 hrs of experience to be really good at what you do. What this means is that you have some work to do practicing giving and receiving pleasure. The good news is that will some direction and support you can be very good in a short amount of time. SO what are some good starting points?
Work with both Sex and Sensuality:
Within the realms of intimate exchange there is a spectrum of sex and sensuality. Sex is often seen at the friction of genital contact. This is the more physical part of the spectrum whereas sensuality is more to do with exploring the senses and the potentials within them. Sensuality although also physical is about setting up a more subtle energetic feeling experience and psychological framework for experiencing love making and intimacy. Touch, sight, smell, sound, taste and mind are all senses that can be sensually explored and developed. A good lover will have the capacity to create very sensual as well as sexual experiences.
This is where things like knowledge of the body, massage and sexual psychology are very useful.
Get back in your body
A lot of people are so disconnected from their sensuality and sense of connection to their bodies. The concept of exploring a deeper level of sexuality can be a foreign and unexplored terrain. Especially if the ideas of being in the body, feeling and experiencing touch in a more subtle way, seem out of the norm or unknown.
It’s ok if you feel like this, it just means that you have some development and experience to go through.
For many lovers, embodiment is shallow and clunky. With little skill and experience in sensual embodiment, sex often becomes a rigorous, disconnected, friction based act. More aimed to get to the goal of coming hard and fast than appreciating and exploring the joy of making love, being sensual and deepening the range and kinds of pleasure possible between you and your lover.
Sadly this friction based sex alone often leaves us feeling dissatisfied, spent and empty like we have just eaten junk food. Some partners (especially women) are sexually blocked and unfortunately find sex to be a numbing experience. These people often see sex as something that is to be put up with in order to gain other favors like companionship, validation, comfort, security etc.
Ideally we want to be neither sex junkies (needing high intensity sensory overwhelm to be satisfied) or numb to the sexual experience (apathetic to or disconnected from our sex lives). As with most things in life this is about finding a balance and exploring that sweet spot that is the middle ground between sex and sensuality, friction and focus of mind.
Sensuality and sexuality is about exploring a journey of connection, altered states of sensation and consciousness and consensually playing out roles (e.g masculine, feminine, active, surrender, domination, submission etc) that release, balance and affirm parts of our psyche and the relationships we share.
The doorway to sensuality is the body and touch. When you drop into a sensual state and or can lead someone else on a sensual journey it’s like opening another dimensions of our being to share.
So there you have a few tips that are useful for you to develop your sensual lover skills. If you have any questions let me know and hit up the comments or send me a general inquiry.
I’m available for sexuality and inner game coaching through [email protected] and have just released a sensual massage product to get you guys inspired on your sensual lover journey.
I look forward to sharing more with you soon enough and I wish you all the best of luck with your sensual and erotic adventures.
Get VIP updates and bonuses on Shae’s new video course – Sensual Massage Secrets. Click HERE.