“Finally! I Get To Have Sex!”
I’ve recently had a lot of guys ask me the same question about sex, and so I thought I’d write a blog post explaining my views. That question, of course, being:
“How can I avoid getting attached to women after having repeated sex?”
This is a common trap a lot of guys fall into once they get into seduction. Even though they’ve started learning approaching and find themselves getting better, they are still operating from a place of scarcity, which means as soon as a girl comes along who will sleep with them, they find themselves incredibly attached to that one girl.
It might not sound too bad to begin with, but eventually it means you’ve diverted away from the path of becoming a man who has a lot of options with women, and who feels confident to pursue the women he wants, and instead towards a monogamous relationship.
If you feel like it’s possible for you to fall into this trap, you need to return back to two key points.
Falling Back Into Comfort
The first is solidifying your values.
One of the biggest dangers we face as men is not knowing what we want, and getting too comfortable and complacent. It’s easy to find yourself in a situation where you’re putting a woman or a relationship first, or even focusing on basics like comfort and convenience as a path of least resistance. The negative effect of this accumulates over weeks, months and years as you slowly begin to supplicate yourself to your woman. You sacrifice yourself for her, put her needs first, and leave yourself vulnerable to her one day walking away and being left with nothing.
Instead, if you identify what your values are, you suddenly have an orientation. Whether it’s to make a lot of money, or travel the world, hang out with cool people, build your career, you know that there is something waiting for you in the bigger picture beyond what’s happening for you right now with this particular woman.
The second is setting your focus.
How much time would you say you waste each week pursuing things that aren’t really important to you? Getting caught up in social media? Riding the merry-go-round of click-bait articles and videos? Binge watching TV shows?
We have so much stimulus thrown at us every day that it’s easy to lose focus on what really matters.
The same can be said for being around a woman who you’re regularly sleeping with. It’s easy to go from sleeping together once a week to giving into the urge of texting her too much, then seeing her twice a week, to eventually finding yourself in a relationship you didn’t see coming.
When you’re dating a girl for a long time it’s easy to fall into the standard romantic narrative that is so ingrained in our culture. A lot of people believe that getting into a relationship with a woman who you’re sleeping with is the ‘right thing to do’.
This is where focus comes in. Being able to maintain an awareness of how much focus you’re placing on one girl in comparison to your values enables you to stay on the right course.
Dating Multiple Girls At Once
The culmination of these key points is to be living a lifestyle where you’re seeing multiple women. Your values and focus will determine in what capacity you’ll be doing this, whether it’s sleeping with multiple women, or just going on dates with other women, or even just approaching when the opportunity arises.
But the idea is that you’re open to allowing your masculine sexuality to be expressed and shared with other women so you’re not putting all of the focus on one girl.
On the other side of things, you’ll need to be aware of the possibility that the girl you’re sleeping with plans to turn you into a boyfriend. The idea that you’re spending time with other women could lead to her feeling very hurt or upset, and rightly so; they’re trying to protect their identity, emotions and investment.
A lot of guys will just compartmentalize their relationships with women, sometimes dating multiple girls who all believe they’re his girlfriend, because they don’t want to deal with the drama and are scared they’ll be left without any women if they’re actually just straight forward about the truth.
What this really displays is a lacking ability to be open and honest with women, and in the long run causes more problems than it solves. You’re compromising your values and still coming from a place of scarcity, worrying you’ll lose something and never get it back.
It’s important that you stay true to yourself, especially your values. If you value openness and honesty in your interactions with women, then be upfront with women about the fact that you’re meeting with other women, but don’t compromise your values just to keep her around.
So what’s the best place to start if you do want to have multiple women in your life but not get sucked into a relationship you don’t really want? I’d recommend learning how to approach, and doing it the right way, which means actually having some fundamentals and systems in place so you have an idea of what you’re doing. Our 3 week beginners online course, the Dating Accelerator, will give you the basic nuts and bolts you need to start approaching women, so that when you’re tempted to settle down with that one girl, you’ll have to confidence to say no because there’s an alternative waiting for you out there on the streets. Click here to learn more.