Tony Solo and Travelbaum discuss how gaining confidence make for a fundamental shift in outlook on life.
Tony Solo and Travelbum have a long discussion on touch and share their experience and worldviews regarding the role of physical contact in seduction.
Understanding ‘Indicators of Interest’
Have you ever noticed a girl checking you out?
Maybe she makes eye contact from across the room, then averts her gaze when she sees you looking back.
Or she starts innocently twirling her hair as you’re talking to her, planting a hand on your arm and laughing WAY too hard at a joke that wasn’t that funny.
And you think “man, this girl is SO into me”.
In the old school pick-up lingo these are called ‘indicators of interest’.
But now, something that begun as a loose terminology for a set of behaviours which may or may not be signs that a woman is interested have have been blown WAY out of proportion.
Are indicators of interest real? Do women really give signals? And if so, how do you read them to know that you have a shot with her?
I often say that ‘perfect practice makes perfect’, which trumps the old adage that ‘practice makes perfect’. As an example, if you’re learning guitar and decide to play ‘Stairway to Heaven’ for an hour each day for 10 years, you’ll probably be really good at playing that one song but not be good at anything else.
The more effective way to learn is to practice scales, develop correct finger placement and improve your picking technique, because in order to get good at something you need to know how to practice it in a way that will develop the fundamentals.
Yet still, this can be misunderstood. Anyone with a perfectionist mindset (yes, I’m talking to you!) will obsessively seek out the perfect way of doing things before ever actually getting in any practice.
The Extraordinary Art Of Fucking Up
What comes before perfect practice is imperfect practice, which in layman’s terms means fucking up.
Even if a woman is giving you signals, it really doesn’t mean anything unless you take action. She could be ready to go back to your place after a mere 5 minutes of small talk, but unless you actually approach her and then pull the trigger it’s never going to happen.
How do you know the right time to do these things? Like I said, by making mistakes. When I was first starting out I knew what it was I had to do, whether it was escalating or inviting her upstairs, but what I didn’t have down were the more nuanced details like timing, logistics, and understanding her mindsets.
After experiencing this period of ‘beginner’s hell’ myself, then learning I wasn’t the only one to have such a hard time starting out, I decided to do something about it. To save you the pain of having to learn seduction the hard way, without any insight or clues on what to do as a beginner, I’ve put together a 3 week course called the Dating Accelerator. You’ll be learning from me and other coaches here at the Natural Lifestyles everything we wished we had known starting out, from tackling approach anxiety to making sure you don’t run out of things to say. Learn more about the course and what’s included by clicking here.
So sure, it can be nice to get attention from women here and there, but I’d say it’s not worth waiting for her to give a signal before taking a risk.
Becoming A Risk Taker
The better alternative is to just assume that she is interested in you. This mindset means that you’re always making a forward action, and awaiting her response. Unless she’s making it clear that it’s not going anywhere by saying she’s not interested, it’s perfectly ok to believe everything is going well.
(…and by the way, this means respecting her boundaries. If she clearly says no, it means no. Period.)
The alternative is to have a negative mindset, and fueling any kind of anxiety or worry or doubt is only going to make you miss out on opportunities.
Lastly, keep in mind that some women can fire off more signals than any man could keep up with yet only be interested in flirting and ‘living life’, whilst other women will never express a single notion of interest yet gladly go home with you as long as you ask.
So stop waiting around for the ‘perfect’ opportunity and start taking risks. Dare to fail. It will pay off in the long run, I promise.
Let’s Start Simple…
It’s Shae here with some news that might be a little scary to read.
Are you ready?
You might want to sit down for this.
I’ve done some digging and discovered that you’re going to die someday. I am too. So are the rest of the coaches, and everyone you know…family, friends, colleagues, mortal enemies.
All going to die someday.
Now I wouldn’t be giving you this grim news if it weren’t for some purpose, and that is a poignant reminder that life is short.
If you’ve known about pick-up, approaching, seduction, whatever you want to call it, for longer than 6 months, and still haven’t taken action by approaching or getting coaching, that’s six months wasted.
It might not seem like a big deal, but you’re never going to get that time back. And if you don’t start by taking action today, say by filling in an application form and getting on the phone with us about a workshop, you’re effectively stating that you’re ok with paralysis.
This is a dangerous place to be in because the one thing you can be sure of is that you are going to die someday, but you don’t know when. It could be tomorrow, or in a year from now. Would you want to look back on the last year of your life and acknowledge that you had lived in fear the whole time?
Using Frustration To Your Advantage
When guys start out approaching they often have a really short term goal in mind. This isn’t intentional, it’s more than they’re moving away from a place of pain.
It could be something like getting more sex, because they’re been inactively single for so long.
Or it could just be getting over their approach anxiety because they’re sick of feeling trapped and worrying about what other people think.
That initial feeling of frustration slowly builds over time to a point of bursting where they eventually feel like they’d rather die than put up with the problem for another moment longer.
These are great goals to work towards, but what you’ll eventually find is that if you take action, you’ll move past them.
It’s not that big of a leap for you to reach a stage where you feel comfortable approaching women, and those who have trouble with it typically start out with our beginner’s online course, the Dating Accelerator. Putting things in perspective it’s really a waste of your life to spend so much time at a stage that can be overcome by making a small investment and learning from guys who have not only been through the ‘beginner’s hell’ you’re experiencing, but have also developed strategies to fast track the process and taught them to hundreds of other men. If you want to get your hands on these insights you can find out more about the course and what’s included by clicking here.
Why You REALLY Want To Approach
But eventually you’ll need to have some kind of grander purpose that you’re moving towards.
Sure, beautiful women are great, but if you had a bunch of beautiful women in your life, then what? Why would that be important to you?
Because once you’ve started moving away from that initial pain point, that ‘rock bottom’ which drove you to start making a change, you’ll then have to find something to move towards.
The good news is that there isn’t any right or wrong answer to this. It’s incredibly personal.
For myself I know that being with a beautiful woman can be like holding up a mirror, revealing all of my flaws, inadequacies and insecurities. Beyond the sex and initial appeal of a beautiful woman lies an opportunity for me to grow as a person, whilst also offering her the same in kind.
So what’s your deeper motivation for approaching?
Maybe it’s love. Maybe you are overcome with a passion for women that makes you feel alive. Maybe you envision having a family one day.
Be sure to check out today’s video, and leave a comment letting us know what the big picture vision is for you.
The Everyday Conversation Nobody Wants To Have
Conversations can be tough, that’s for sure. I’m going to run a little script by you, and tell me if it sounds familiar:
So…tell me…what do you…uh…what do you do for work?
Where are you from?
Right. That’s cool. I’ve been there.
What did you study?
Ah, got it. Yep
……and for how long?
This is the typical conversation I hear most guys having with women when they first join us on a workshop. But an even deadlier sin than this is failing to talk about themselves at all. THEN they ask a woman for her number, and I can only imagine what’s running through her head:
“Ummm….who the hell are you?”
I get that it can be really hard to talk about yourself.
When you think back over the course of your life, you’ve been trained to ask these questions and to value this information by everyone you’ve interacted with along the way. It’s rare that people actually stop and ask “do I really care about what someone does for a living? And does that actually tell me much about them as a person?”.
When you’re meeting women, they seldom care about your job, where you’re from, what you studied. That’s not to say that these things aren’t important, but on face value they really don’t mean anything.
The actual meaning comes from the why. Ok, so you’re an engineer, but why? Did you follow that career path because you thought it would make your parents happy? Because you thought the money would be good? Or you just like trigonometry?
A common trap guys can fall into when they start approaching is thinking that by the simple fact that they are approaching a woman, they’re communicating everything she needs to know about who he is as a man. That he’s confident. That he knows what he wants. That he’s a risk taker. All attractive qualities, and sure, impressive in the moment, but not enough to get most women on a date with you.
Even if you’re still hopeless at approaching (in which case you should sign up for our 3-week beginner’s course, the Dating Accelerator you’re still going to come across a woman at some point and need to find a way to introduce who you are as a person.
The problem is that you still need to make a first impression, and if you don’t know how to do that, you’re going to automatically fall back on your bad habits, which likely include asking too many generic questions, not engaging the answers with curiosity, and failing to talk about yourself.
So what’s the remedy?
Perfect Practice Makes Perfect
The good news is that this is something you can practice. Remember that you don’t have to have an impressive resume to talk about yourself. You don’t need to have a high paying job or a fascinating lifestyle of travel and adventure to spark curiosity.
Here’s three things you should keep in mind that you can slip into the conversation.
- Something you’re really good at. This isn’t about impressing her, but taking pride in yourself. Maybe you’ve worked really hard at martial arts over the years, or you love programming, or you can balance an orange on your head.
- Something you like. Again, it’s not about trying to ‘game’ her by figuring out what she WANTS to hear, but what you genuinely like. Collecting goldfish. Experimental 90’s punk/folk music. Stargazing.
- Something you suck at. Don’t play out the cliche job interview answer of reversing this by saying “my biggest flaw is caring too much about people”. No no no. Be honest. This is about showing you’re human. I’m terrible at getting up when my alarm goes off. I can’t cook to save myself. My apartment is a mess most of the time.
Write these down somewhere. You don’t need to treat them as a ‘line’ that has to be inserted into EVERY interaction with a woman, but they are there in those moments when you need to share something about yourself with her.
Speaking of practice, you’re going to need a lot of it if you’re going to get really good at seduction. But as I’ve always said, the adage that ‘practice makes perfect’ is slightly wrong. It should be ‘perfect practice makes perfect’, which means, knowing how to practice is just as important as practicing.
If you’re really keen on learning what that looks like, I’ve put together a course that describes exactly what you should be doing as a beginner to make sure you are actually improving at seduction and not just running around in circles getting nowhere. You can learn all about the Dating Accelerator, including a course breakdown that describes exactly what you’ll be learning, by clicking here.
The Harsh Truth About Goals
It’s Shae here, coming at you with some more inner game wizardry all about goal setting.
Why is it that most people fail to achieve their goals? Think about something like ‘new year’s resolutions’; people declaring they will finally join a gym and lose weight, or quit their job and pursue their dream.
You might even have specific goals about your dating life. Maybe you tired of constantly being reminded by family and friends that you’re still single. Or maybe you’re tired of hoping it will finally happen, only to be disappointed each night you go to sleep.
And when you think about how long this problem has been going on, I’m sure you’ve been wondering why things haven’t changed.
Why you’re still not able to approach women.
Why you’re still not seeing the results you want
Why you still feel so lonely.
As hard as it might be to shine a light on these thoughts and feelings, it’s important to at least acknowledge where you’re at. That’s the first step to the goal setting process.
See, there is a classic goal-setting format of building a solid plan, then taking the steps to execute that plan and grinding your ass off until it’s completed, no matter what obstacles present themselves.
But let’s be honest, if you’ve already found out that approaching is a possibility, and you haven’t already started taking steps towards it, that methodology really isn’t going to work.
Think about someone who is out of shape. It’s a no-brainer that they have to go on a diet and exercise more, but they can’t actually execute the plan.
So sometimes the plan isn’t the problem, but it’s making it happen.
A paradigm I’ve adopted throughout my life, and one that the other coaches here at The Natural Lifestyles follow, is viewing myself as a creator.
This begins with acknowledging that there is an unseen part of you, whether you want to call it your unconscious, deeper self, or even just your heart, that is available for you to tap into.
By planting a solid intention about what you want, you’re opening yourself up to the possibility that it could happen.
Sometimes that possibility is just enough for things to start shifting and moving, although it can be really hard for the ego to understand this because it’s so attached to grinding and hard work.
Yet we have to ask ourselves, what intention should we set? What genetic code should we instil into that seed to ensure that it grows into something that will bear fruit?
You could set yourself the intention to have a really beautiful girlfriend, and for some guys that’s a legitimate goal.
But if you were to be honest with yourself, do you really feel ready for that? Do you feel like you’re the man you need to be, want to be, in order to have that woman?
How would you feel being with her knowing that you set yourself a goal to learn how to approach, to really gain the confidence to master it, yet never really pursued that until it became your reality?
What if your intention was instead to seek out the coaching you need to first become that man?
Making A Start, Even If It’s Small
If you’ve had a look at our workshops, I’m sure you’ve come up with one or two excuses why it’s just not going to happen for you.
Maybe it’s that you don’t have enough money. Maybe it’s that you can’t get the time off work. Or maybe you’re so wrapped up in your ego that you can’t admit to yourself that you need help.
Trust me, I know how hard it can be to let go of that pride.
But we know that most guys don’t even take the time to fill out an application. Most aren’t even willing to get on the phone with us and talk about their situation, and find a way to make it happen.
Keep in mind, you’re not signing up for some hardcore sales pitch, we actually just want to help in whatever way we can.
So if you’re setting yourself some goals for next year, maybe plant that seed. “What would it be like to do a workshop with the Natural Lifestyles? What resources, opportunities, connections do I need to come my way in order to make that a reality?”
Maybe you need to take a smaller step in order to convince yourself that it’s worthwhile. A lot of our clients have started with our beginners online course, The Dating Accelerator before moving on to our live coaching.
Over the 3 weeks of online content you’ll be given a simple framework to help you get over your approach anxiety, start approaching, and hopefully getting some numbers which will then lead to dates.
Will it mean you achieve your goal of having threesomes with playboy bunnies this time next month?
But it’s a start. It’s a way of you acting on your intention.
You’ll be amazed at what setting yourself that intention can lead to, especially if you’re willing to get out of your own way. Be sure to check out the Dating Accelerator by clicking here.
The Nightmare You’re Not Seeing
When you’re first starting out at seduction it’s easy to be so focused on your own fears and
anxieties around meeting women that you forget about how a woman is experiencing YOU.
It’s common for guys to consciously or subconsciously put women on a pedestal, which leads them to think that hot women are flawless, unstoppable and insanely confident to the point that a mere mortal such as yourself would never be cause for concern.
Yet the thing that costs most beginners dates and sex is oftentimes their inability to recognise and acknowledge how a woman is feeling. It’s rather a predicament for her. At first glance you would think that women would be open to expressing their doubts or fears.
Let’s say you’re asking a woman for her number.
It seems simple enough, you’ve been chatting for 4-5 minutes and seem to get along, so why not ask her on a date?
Yet in her mind she’s recalling all of those times she’s given her number out to guys she’s just met and regretted it soon after. Every woman has had to deal with some guy she gave her number to who wouldn’t stop texting and calling her, and had to block his number, or in the days before smartphones, change HER number (a major headache).
So that’s what’s running through her head, but it’s normal to be afraid of even admitting that.
She doesn’t want to appear stupid or naive.
She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
And most important of all, she doesn’t want to say somewhat that might trigger you and lead to a violent outburst with her as the victim, a realistic concern for a lot of women.
Women Get Approached All The Time
Even when you’re initially approaching her, you need to understand that this likely isn’t the first time she has been approached.
It could have been a guy who was asking for the time, or directions to Starbucks. Seems innocent enough…until he creepily asks for her number out of nowhere.
Maybe it was a homeless guy asking her for money, who then EXPLODED when she ignored him or said no.
Not to mention crazy people roaming around on the street, who are frightening simply because they don’t recognize that they’re crazy and the effect they’re having on other people.
This is why getting coaching is so important. Overcoming your approach anxiety and being able to approach women are just the first steps.
You then need to learn how to develop the internal and external awareness that enable you to pick up on the subtle cues and hints women are giving you, so you can then adapt and adjust.
On workshops we teach guys how to do this, teaching them meditation to raise their awareness, alongside listening in to approaches using live microphones then breaking them down afterwards to help them understand what was REALLY going on between the lines.
And if that’s not an option for you, at the very least you should invest in our online course, The Marshall Meditation Method which I’ve specifically designed around approaching women. You’ll not only learn an important life skill but also have the tools to drop the stories and fears you keep telling yourself and instead focus on her experience of being approached by a strange man, aka you. If you want to learn more about meditation and how my method works be sure to check out this link
The Art Of Seduction
If you’re still under the impression that pick-up lines and routines work, or that somewhere out there is a magic system that’s going to give you a 100% success rate (“all for a low price of $49.99!”), understand that each and every moment with a woman will be different.
Copying down lines or responses you hear in my in-field videos isn’t going to work, because I’m responding to not only what she’s saying in that moment, but her body language, her tone of voice, and the subtext of our conversation thus far.
As an example, two woman might hesitate to give me their number, yet one of them has been living in that city her whole life, whilst another is only going to be there for another 2-3 days. The first may be concerned about getting harassed endlessly by a strange hairy man, whilst the other might not be able to justify giving me her number if she’s leaving town soon.
Ultimately this is why seduction is an art form rather than a series of tools you can pull out at any time the moment calls for it.
“Finally! I Get To Have Sex!”
I’ve recently had a lot of guys ask me the same question about sex, and so I thought I’d write a blog post explaining my views. That question, of course, being:
“How can I avoid getting attached to women after having repeated sex?”
This is a common trap a lot of guys fall into once they get into seduction. Even though they’ve started learning approaching and find themselves getting better, they are still operating from a place of scarcity, which means as soon as a girl comes along who will sleep with them, they find themselves incredibly attached to that one girl.
It might not sound too bad to begin with, but eventually it means you’ve diverted away from the path of becoming a man who has a lot of options with women, and who feels confident to pursue the women he wants, and instead towards a monogamous relationship.
If you feel like it’s possible for you to fall into this trap, you need to return back to two key points.
Falling Back Into Comfort
The first is solidifying your values.
One of the biggest dangers we face as men is not knowing what we want, and getting too comfortable and complacent. It’s easy to find yourself in a situation where you’re putting a woman or a relationship first, or even focusing on basics like comfort and convenience as a path of least resistance. The negative effect of this accumulates over weeks, months and years as you slowly begin to supplicate yourself to your woman. You sacrifice yourself for her, put her needs first, and leave yourself vulnerable to her one day walking away and being left with nothing.
Instead, if you identify what your values are, you suddenly have an orientation. Whether it’s to make a lot of money, or travel the world, hang out with cool people, build your career, you know that there is something waiting for you in the bigger picture beyond what’s happening for you right now with this particular woman.
The second is setting your focus.
How much time would you say you waste each week pursuing things that aren’t really important to you? Getting caught up in social media? Riding the merry-go-round of click-bait articles and videos? Binge watching TV shows?
We have so much stimulus thrown at us every day that it’s easy to lose focus on what really matters.
The same can be said for being around a woman who you’re regularly sleeping with. It’s easy to go from sleeping together once a week to giving into the urge of texting her too much, then seeing her twice a week, to eventually finding yourself in a relationship you didn’t see coming.
When you’re dating a girl for a long time it’s easy to fall into the standard romantic narrative that is so ingrained in our culture. A lot of people believe that getting into a relationship with a woman who you’re sleeping with is the ‘right thing to do’.
This is where focus comes in. Being able to maintain an awareness of how much focus you’re placing on one girl in comparison to your values enables you to stay on the right course.
Dating Multiple Girls At Once
The culmination of these key points is to be living a lifestyle where you’re seeing multiple women. Your values and focus will determine in what capacity you’ll be doing this, whether it’s sleeping with multiple women, or just going on dates with other women, or even just approaching when the opportunity arises.
But the idea is that you’re open to allowing your masculine sexuality to be expressed and shared with other women so you’re not putting all of the focus on one girl.
On the other side of things, you’ll need to be aware of the possibility that the girl you’re sleeping with plans to turn you into a boyfriend. The idea that you’re spending time with other women could lead to her feeling very hurt or upset, and rightly so; they’re trying to protect their identity, emotions and investment.
A lot of guys will just compartmentalize their relationships with women, sometimes dating multiple girls who all believe they’re his girlfriend, because they don’t want to deal with the drama and are scared they’ll be left without any women if they’re actually just straight forward about the truth.
What this really displays is a lacking ability to be open and honest with women, and in the long run causes more problems than it solves. You’re compromising your values and still coming from a place of scarcity, worrying you’ll lose something and never get it back.
It’s important that you stay true to yourself, especially your values. If you value openness and honesty in your interactions with women, then be upfront with women about the fact that you’re meeting with other women, but don’t compromise your values just to keep her around.
So what’s the best place to start if you do want to have multiple women in your life but not get sucked into a relationship you don’t really want? I’d recommend learning how to approach, and doing it the right way, which means actually having some fundamentals and systems in place so you have an idea of what you’re doing. Our 3 week beginners online course, the Dating Accelerator, will give you the basic nuts and bolts you need to start approaching women, so that when you’re tempted to settle down with that one girl, you’ll have to confidence to say no because there’s an alternative waiting for you out there on the streets. Click here to learn more.
Filling The Hole Within
It’s Shae here to talk about something a lot of guys can relate to; getting stuck in relationships for too long.
Oftentimes it’s something that can be hard to catch in the moment. Even if you can identify the point when the scales shifted and you realized this relationship wasn’t serving you as a man, that awareness typically comes after the relationship ends.
Why does this happen? It’s something called ‘co-dependence’. The idea is that you feel a sense of lack within yourself, that you’re not good enough, not worthy, not safe. In order to compensate for this you’ll seek out relationships that give you a sense of wholeness.
To use an example, imagine that you have a dog that you love. You play with it all the time, take it for a walk in the park every day, and it’s always excited to see you. One day you visit the Doctor for a check-up, and he tells you that you have to have that dog around you all of the time in order to be ok.
If you separate yourself from the dog, you’re going to be in danger, perhaps even get really ill.
Your perception of the dog, and your relationship with it, will change. You’ll feel like you always need to be around the dog. You’ll start to feel disappointed when the dog doesn’t want to be around you. The idea of leaving the dog, or being without it, fills you with terror.
Co-dependent relationships work in the same way.
The Over-Attachment Epidemic
Both men and women are prone to staying in relationships for too long because, even if they’re noticeably unhappy in those relationships, the alternative can seem much worse.
Instead of being able to acknowledge the infinite resources of the world available to you, you’ll believe that leaving the relationship will mean you being alone, desperate and miserable.
Everyone goes through this at some stage in their life, including myself.
For some, it might not be with relationships. People can get incredibly attached to their careers, or their children, because those are the things in their life that provide them with a sense of meaning and purpose in their life, helping them to feel ok.
What’s common amongst all of these arrangements is that people keep doing it until they’re sick of doing it. In relationships one person will finally admit to themselves that the idea of being alone and without a partner is easier to bear than staying in a co-dependent relationship.
The downside is that it can take years to reach that point, and if there are marriages and kids involved, it can get really ugly.
So how can you avoid codependent relationships?
Zooming Out To The Big Picture
I’d say that you need to shift your perception of women being the whole picture, to just part of the picture.
Think of your life as series of compartments, or files on a computer, each having its own category. Health, Career, Relationships, Friends, Spirituality, Hobbies, and so on.
Having a balanced life means that you’re paying equal attention to each of these areas, because they’re all important in their own way.
You might meet a great woman one day who rocks your world, but it doesn’t mean you should stop working out, or stop seeing your friends, or give up on your spiritual pursuits (any of these sound familiar?)
The best place to start is to make yourself strong in all of the areas that make you independent. Some of these areas, like friendships or relationships, require other people to achieve some level of success and sustainability.
Yet you’re free to pursue your fitness goals without needing other people around. You can meditate or do yoga without relying on others. If you’ve always wanted to try meditation, James has put together a 5 week course called the Marshall Meditation Method which is specifically designed to give you a practical, no-nonsense foundation for daily meditation. Not only will it improve your general well-being, but also give you the insight you need to identify which relationships in your life have fallen into the ‘codependent’ category.
These simple acts bolster your sense of independence, creating a feeling that you don’t need others in order to feel good about yourself and the life ahead of you.
In the grand scheme of things you might one day meet a woman who isn’t looking to you to fill that gap within herself. A lot of men have their hearts set on finding a woman who is confident, beautiful, intelligent, down-to-earth, self aware…you get the picture.
I can tell you straight up that if you walk into a relationship with a woman like that and make her the centre of your world, you’re going to depolarize the relationship.
You’ll be giving your power away to her, shifting her into the role of masculine in order to take care of you. Not only will she not want that, but she’ll also want to get away from that. You need to start by getting strong on your own terms.
What Separates Those Who Succeed From Those Who Fail
Have you ever wondered if you’re going to ever get anywhere with this ‘seduction’ stuff?
Does it seem daunting at times to think you have such a long way to go before you’re as good as you want to be? Dating the girls that you REALLY want to be with?
A lot of men ask themselves this when they discover cold approach seduction. Beyond all of the classic excuses like not having enough money, time, or being good looking enough, is a core belief about somehow not having what it takes to get good at this.
But what is the difference between those who succeed and those who fail on this path?
It might surprise you to hear that I too had to answer this question along my own journey. I’ve had a lot of moments of doubt, countless times when I’ve asked myself if this was ever going to go anywhere and pay off for me.
What helped me during this time was some sage wisdom from my good friend, and our Inner Game coach here at The Natural Lifestyles, Shae Matthews.
The Unhappy Alternative
When you’re on a path to achieving a goal, you’re either moving away from something, or towards something.
A lot of the time this is a subconscious process. Think of someone smoking because they’re really stressed, or someone drinking because they can’t come to terms with the pain they’re burying inside themselves.
In my own journey I was moving away from a life without cold approach seduction.
No matter how hard it can get to face constant rejection and flakes and uncertainty, what’s the alternative?
If you don’t go out and approach women, what else could you be doing?
Dating in your social circle? Hoping you meet a girl at work? Swiping on Tinder?
Even though these might feel like the ‘safe’ options, none of them will ever be anywhere close to offering you the potential abundance of woman that cold approach seduction will. This initial phase of ‘beginner’s hell’, where it seems like nothing is going well, is something I wish I could eliminate for all men out there. Whilst it might not be a magical cure, my 3 week online course called the Dating Accelerator is a compilation of everything I wish I knew when I was starting out. It’s not going to mean you can avoid rejection or struggle, but it does mean you’ll have everything you need to put your best foot forward and make your approaches count. If you’re interested be sure to click here for more information.
What you’re moving AWAY from by learning to approach is loneliness, mediocrity, settling for a woman who you don’t really want to be with, but don’t have any better options.
On the other hand, what is it you’re moving towards?
What is the compelling reason you have for wanting to get good at this?
Because everyone has pain. Every man I’ve coached has had a story to tell me about his past, whether it was a Father who wasn’t there for him, that one girl he loved who never felt the same, or the horrible relationship that went on for too long.
But if you’re just trying to run away from that pain, you’ve got a dark path ahead of you.
There has to be something good that compels you to move forward.
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
For me it’s curiosity. A constant desire to discover more about women, about dating, relationships, sex, people, the world and this wacky ride we’re on together.
Curiosity is what most of the best seducers out there have to keep them going.
But you can’t fake this. You can’t treat it as some magical answer and tell yourself “if I’m just curious then finally women will want me!”.
It has to be genuine. It has to come from a deeper place than just wanting to get a number or get laid.
Curiosity may not be your reason. But you have to find what it is for you if you ever hope to get anywhere on this journey.
So ask yourself, why do you want to get better at seduction?