3 Conversation Mistakes That Are Costing You Dates

Ways Women Know You’re Not Worth Their Time

When I’m out coaching on a workshop, I notice 3 key mistakes men make when they’re speaking to women that instantly convey to the woman a set of deeper fundamental issues he has.

It’s perfectly understandable since they’re nervous, used to putting women on a pedestal, and have never really been taught seductive conversational basics by anyone.

(They might not even know it’s possible to learn good conversation skills)

If you’re wondering whether or not you make the same mistakes, let me go through the list.

Speaking Too Fast

We’ve covered this a lot at The Natural Lifestyles because it’s so glaringly obvious when men are doing it.

A lot of guys think its got something to do with being nervous, but there is actually a deeper underlying issue as to why it’s unattractive.

You are allowed to be nervous when meeting a new person. It’s perfectly ok, and in all likelihood the girl is nervous too.

But it’s more about how that nervousness affects you. What you do with all of that energy. What you’re really conveying is how worried you are that she’s going to walk away, which you believe is the same as her rejecting you.

Guys talk fast when meeting attractive women because they think they only have a limited amount of time to make a good impression before she will get bored and leave. This lack of abundance is something I cover in my 3 week beginners course, the Dating Accelerator. It’s easy to believe you have limited options with women if you’re not approaching much, but I’ll show you the basic tools you need to get started and to begin seeing results after a few weeks. You can learn all about the course here.

Repeating What She’s Saying

Sometimes repeating what people are saying can be a good conversational technique because it displays that A: you’re listening and B: understanding what the other person is saying is important to you.

But most guys go WAY too far with this by constantly repeating what women are saying over and over again.

After 2 or 3 times women will notice it and feel weirded out by it. Again, it’s ok to be nervous, but what you’re really showing her is that you just can’t handle social pressure.

It’s also a clear indicator that you just don’t know what to say, or to put it another way, that you’re worried about having to come up with something to say (something we also cover in the Dating Accelerator.

Cutting Her Off

The grand finale that is a total deal breaker for most women; interrupting her before she finishes talking.

This is the ultimate display of nervousness, feelings of inadequacy and lack of awareness.

Even if you have good intentions, you’re basically announcing to her that you are completely uninterested in what she has to say. It’s really hard for a woman to speak her mind and feel heard when a man is constantly interrupting what she’s saying.

So how did you do? Even if you can admit to yourself that you do 1 of these 3 things, the Dating Accelerator is everything you need to begin changing the way you interact not only with attractive women, but also the world in general. Click here to learn more about how the course can help you improve your conversation skills.

Being able to handle social pressure whilst giving people the space to feel heard makes a remarkable difference, not only around women who are so used to be silenced by men, but also your colleagues, friends and family members.

Which Masculine Archetype Are You?

Do you know what your Masculine Archetype is?

There are a lot of (bad) ideas out there about what masculinity means, and what roles men should play in society.

If you take a look back at ancient mythology, folklore and stories, there are several themes that recur consistently throughout different societies, some of which had completely no contact with each other.

You may be familiar with this idea if you’ve heard of the Joseph Campbell and his notion of the monomyth, also known as the Hero’s Journey.

Masculine archetypes are very similar. Today’s video is an excerpt from a webinar I conducted during one of my online courses where anyone who had signed up for the course could ask me questions.

It’s something I do with all of my online courses as I really believe in being able to interact with your mentors.

Back when I first started out in seduction I wasn’t really appealing to any kind of archetype, and this is something I see men doing when I first meet them on workshops.

Appealing To An Archetype

A lot of it has to do with style. I first started approaching wearing nothing but my kung-fu shoes and a hippy top. Sometimes I was able to get through to women, some of whom saw me as a rough edged vagabond, but I wasn’t really presenting a compelling image.

The same goes for the guys I coach on workshops. They show up wearing jeans that look 3 sizes too big and a bland polo shirt, which means they just fade into the background. It’s hard for women to picture themselves with that kind of man.

There are too many archetypes to list here, but how you present yourself through fashion, posture and grooming will tell a woman a lot about who you are as a man, and what you have to offer her.

What’s important to keep in mind here is that presentation isn’t everything. When we’re coaching guys on workshops we’re not only improving their fashion, but we’re actually getting to know what kind of guys they are too. We take key aspects of their personality and present that through fashion.

Some guys do this poorly by dressing up in a 3 piece suit that isn’t theirs, wearing a watch that isn’t theirs, and leaning against a sports car that isn’t theirs, all at the young age of 21. The archetype they’re presenting is one of a man who has his shit together. He’s saying to the world “I’m a guy who knows what he’s doing, feels good about himself and is comfortable in his skin”.

Yet in all likelihood they’re not.

Women can sense this when they meet him.

Don’t Fake It Until You Make It

A lot of it also has to do with them really lacking a solid understanding of the fundamentals of seduction. They’re relying on this archetype and their image to attract women, but it’s a completely passive stance, because they’re never approaching, and never taking any risks.

What I hope you take away from this is that seduction isn’t a quick fix. I’ve specifically created the Dating Accelerator to give you a way of circumventing the pain that comes along with Beginner’s Hell by teaching you what you’re doing wrong, and what you should be doing instead. You can learn more about this 3 week online course by clicking here.

Archetypes are important, but if you dress to impress it doesn’t mean women are going to start approaching you (the exception being if you have model good looks, but even then you need to have some game to pull off a seduction). You are the one who has to face the risk of getting rejected and make the first move.

Top 3 WORST Date Ideas!

Words Of Wisdom

It’s Liam here. Let me ask you something.

Was your Dad any good with girls?

Mine wasn’t. I know a lot of guys in this industry who got little to no dating advice from their Fathers, and most of our students are in the same boat.

See, ideally he’s SUPPOSED to be a role model and teach you how to be a man. You know, take you out hunting or camping or beard…growing…if that’s a thing…something incredibly manly, and at some point sit you down to say:

“Son, here’s what you need to do in order to get ahead with the ladies”

And if he’s anything like my Dad, he’d probably chuckle to himself for his brilliant fellatio pun…

THEN, you’d want him to say something like:

“See, there’s a lot of confusion around what you’re supposed to do for the first date. Long time ago I came across this fella named James Marshall, and boy did he turn my world around. I signed up for this course…ah what was it called…that’s right, the Dating Accelerator, and it showed me all of the stupid stuff I was doin’ with the ladies, and more importantly, what I SHOULD be doin’ instead!”

(at this point he’s probably got a beer in hand, or if your Dad is a hipster, a cider)

“You ever seen one of those Hollywood movies where the guy awkwardly asks the girl out on a date, then takes her to an expensive dinner where they sit down at a fancy restaurant for 2 hours?”

“Uh-huh” you reply (eyeing his beer, secretly wishing he’d let you have some).

“Well, that’s a load of baloney son! You don’t have to impress her with some expensive dinner!”

Wait…What?

Intrigued, you take your eyes off the beer and recognize this isn’t one of his rants about your mother’s cooking or ‘taking the system down’.

“Next, you’ve got those elaborate dates you see these guys pull off in movies, you know the ones right? They hire some air balloon to take her to a hilltop where they’ve spelled her name out in flowers in the valley below. And that’s not all! A horse-drawn carriage soon pulls up and a violinist begins playing as you ride into the valley and drink champagne as a man rows you in a boat across a lake underneath the stars!”

Part of you is simply glad to know that’s not what you have to impress girls, especially because you’re afraid of heights AND allergic to horses.

(ok so maybe not but stick with me here)

“Finally, and this one’s important son, never, EVER help out a woman pretending it’s a date. This means no lugging her furniture around, no doing her homework, no babysitting her 4 cats.”

(By this time you’re speechless and can do nothing but stare up at the stars in awe).

Then he’d belch, throw a can over his shoulder and say something like:

“Why don’t you grab your old man another beer and I’ll tell you all about what kind of dates you SHOULD be taking girls on…”

Talk about good parenting!

 

The One Secret That Will Change The Way You Approach Women. Forever.

Learning From The Best

We typically meet students on our workshops who think they’re competent approachers, but soon display that they have no idea what they’re doing.

And that’s really not their fault, especially if they’ve just been trying to copy what they see on our videos.

See, mimicking what someone else is doing, and knowing what it’s doing and why it works, are two different things.

This is the purpose of today’s video.

One of the concepts we teach on our workshops that is available for you to learn in the Dating Accelerator is going to completely revolutionize the way you meet women.

It’s called the ‘Pre-Frame’.

How To Start A Romantic Adventure

Put yourself in the shoes of a beautiful woman walking down the street. Think of how much attention she’s getting from those around her. Guys checking her out. Girls scowling at her outfit.

And imagine being subconsciously intimidated by all of the men around you simply because they’re physically bigger than you.

Who knows what could happen?

Now some guy walks up to you and says “Hi, I’m Michael”. He holds out his hand, expecting you to shake it, and suddenly you feel really uncomfortable.

What would you response be?

Would you try to get around him and walk away?

Would you say you have a boyfriend and leave?

Or simply just think “what the fuck does this guy want?”

Most guys who are out there approaching women aren’t actually giving the women any idea what they’re doing there, which is incredibly confusing, and not the best way to start a romantic adventure.

Girls don’t know if they’re looking for the time, directions to Starbucks, asking when the next train is coming, trying to sell them something or convert them to a new religion!

It could be ANYTHING!

Being Aware Of The Boundaries

So if you’re out approaching, you need to use a pre-frame. This is a simple statement that lets the woman know that you’re aware it’s strange that you’re approaching her. You’re acknowledging that it’s outside of the social boundaries, and giving her an explanation as to why you’re breaking those boundaries.

For example: “Hey, I can see you’re reading a book, but I just wanted to tell you I think you look great in that dress”.

You display that you are conscious of what she’s doing, that you’re interrupting her, and letting her know why you’re there.

But keep in mind:

THIS ISN’T A PICK-UP LINE!

If you go around saying this to every woman, it’s going to sound strange and convoluted, especially to women who aren’t reading books and who aren’t wearing dresses.

Check out the sneak peak for more on Pre-Frames, and remember that in order to pull this off you actually need to understand the fundamentals behind it. That’s why I’ve put together the Dating Accelerator online course, so you can understand the fundamentals of how seduction works, and combine the building blocks so you can get out there and start approaching women. Find out more about the course by clicking here.

Do Women Ever Want Sex Without Love?

Understanding Sexually Liberated Women

Here’s an interesting question for you:

How do you feel good about yourself when a girl only wants to use you for sex?

I got asked this recently by a TNL fan and it really got me thinking.

Because on the surface it’s a no-brainer. A girl wants to have sex with you.

And…?

What’s the problem?

But, there is a lot going on under the surface of this seemingly simple question.

To start with, I think we can all agree that men like sex. And if you’re reading this, you’re obviously not getting enough sex, and want more of it.

So if a woman, preferably one you find attractive, wants to use you for sex, then you’re getting what you want.

Simple, right?

The complications begin when you consider that we’re all operating with a deeper narrative that has its roots in early civilization, religion and classic gender roles.

I’m talking primarily about the madonna/whore complex here.

That women fit into either one of two roles; the sweet, innocent ‘good girl’, or the naughty slutty ‘bad girl’.

Anything outside of that is seemingly too complex for us to comprehend.

Because what it suggests is that the girl you’ve just fallen in love with, that you want to one day be the mother of your children, might have fucked a guy within 5 minutes of meeting him, or fondly remembers being spit roasted by two guys whilst holidaying in Barbados.

It’s not a nice thought.

However, if you want to be a seducer, and I mean a man who is having a lot of sex with a variety of different women, you cannot avoid one single fundamental truth.

Women like sex.

And not only do they like sex, but they have fantasies and desires that far exceed what most men imagine for themselves.

What do I mean by that?

Well, typically men stick to the simple side of things, such as:

Having sex with a girl without too many complications.

Getting a really good blow job.

Having a threesome.

Meanwhile women dream about being tied up and belted with whips whilst candle wax drips on their nipples, dressing up as a schoolgirl, playing out nasty taboo scenes…

The list goes on and on and on…

Holding Space

The majority of women will never get the opportunity to live out these fantasies, because they too are torn between this dichotomy of good girl/bad girl.

They’ve either been convinced that there’s something wrong with them because they have such fantasies, the fantasy itself requires someone who they aren’t in love with and thus excludes their boyfriend/husband, or they’ve never met a guy who can actually hold the space for them to live out the fantasy.

That’s where you come in.

See, it’s important even as a beginner to understand that one of the best things you can offer a woman as a man is the space she needs to experience the full spectrum of her being.

A lot of times girls make sexual suggestions to guys, and they get an answer along the lines of: “that’s kind of weird”.

Whenever a girl hears that, she’ll instantly shut down. She won’t be sharing any more of her sexual desires with you. It tells her that she can only show you a certain slice of who she is, because the expression of anything outside of that narrow window will result in judgement and shaming.

Now that’s not to say you have to fully understand and empathize with their desires. Being able to hold space for a girl to live out a dark fantasy doesn’t necessarily mean that you believe those things are acceptable in society at large, or that you enjoy the idea of doing those things a woman.

It does mean that you’re able to accept the full spectrum of who she is.

The Gap Between Experience And Reaction

So how do you hold space for women? I believe practicing meditation has given me the open mindedness and curiosity that is necessary for me to be able to hold space for a woman.

When you start meditating you take a step back from your experience and become an observer. Instead of getting caught up in your thoughts and feelings, believing them to be who you are, you instead watch them as they appear, change and fade away.

Creating this ‘gap’ between experience and reaction is how you stay present to what’s happening in the here and now, rather than running on autopilot. Looking back on past relationships there were definitely times when I judged women for things they’d said or done in the bedroom, and even judged myself for not being good enough. I reacted based off that gut feeling, rather than pausing, taking a step back and recognizing how I really felt and what I really thought.

Meditation is a critical tool in seduction and a core piece of what we teach on our live workshops. If you’ve always wanted the chance to learn meditation you’ll be happy to know that my most successful online course ever, the Marshall Meditation Method, is all you’ll ever need. Over 5 weeks I’ll be taking you through the fundamentals of meditation, starting with the basics to make sure you can follow along even if you’ve never meditated before in your life. Click here to learn more about the course and sign up today.

Remember that by garnering self awareness you’re actually offering something to women that they really don’t experience with many men. A lot of guys are running on autopilot and never pause to question how their actions might be affecting women, so simply knowing that she’s having an experience and being able to tune into that is immensely powerful.

 

How To Tell If You’ve Been Stuck In Your Comfort Zone Too Long

Being The Boss

When you’re first starting out at seduction, it’s really easy to identify where your comfort zone ends, and the area for growth begins.

If you’ve never approached a woman in your life, that’s obviously a huge opportunity for growth. I’m sure you know that if you were to do that, even though it’s probably terrifying for you, not only would you learn something about yourself but you would also expand your comfort zone.

For someone such as myself, it’s harder to define where my comfort zone ends and my fears begin because I’ve done so many outlandish things in life. From approaching Kung Fu masters in rural China asking for training to building the worlds #1 dating and lifestyle design coaching company, it’s fair to say that my comfort zone has been massively expanded over the course of my life.

That being said, I still seek out opportunities for growth. Being the boss, it’s incredibly tempting to surround myself with ‘yes men’ who will nod their head at every decision I make. A lot of powerful people, whether they are Presidents or CEO’s, eventually do this because the burdens of leadership are taxing enough with having people constantly challenge and disagree with you.

Maybe you even have some ‘yes men’ around you in the form of friends who are keeping you stuck, or family telling you that you’re perfect just the way you are and that you don’t have to change.

But my recent trip to Africa where I was surrounded by people who were not only more successful than I, but also more influential in the grand scheme of things, really demonstrated to me the importance of getting out of your comfort zone.

Sometimes it pays to not be the smartest or most successful person in the room.

What I want to focus on right now though is your comfort zone. Maybe you are really successful in areas like business and fitness, but I’m not sure you could say the same about women and dating. What’s more, your success in those other areas may carry over to the dating realm, but the crossover is somewhat limited, as I’m sure you’re currently experiencing.

Living On The Edge

So where is the edge of your comfort zone?

The obvious one would be approaching. If you were to be honest with yourself you’d probably be able to identify that you’re not approaching as many women as you should be, if at all. And if you are approaching, I’m sure you skip out on the incredibly hot women that you really want to be with, thinking you’ll get flat out rejected.

Another area that you might be holding yourself back is in your internal game, your spiritual development. Admittedly I’m quite surprised by guys who show up to my workshops and confess they’ve never tried meditating before.

I mean, never. The prospect of sitting on a cushion for 10 minutes by themselves, alone with their thoughts, was so terrifying that they have avoided it at all costs.

But I need to keep in mind that I’m coming from a very different place, having been mastering meditation for over 15 years and dedicated a lot of time and energy seeking out the best teachers in the world to develop my own method of meditating.

So if I were to adapt a beginners mind, where would that leave me?

Well first of all, getting into meditation can be incredibly confusing. As with health and fitness, there are a lot of conflicting ideas out there about what the best methods are, where you should start, and how often you should do it.

But on top of all of that is something unique to meditation, which is all of the quasi-religious spiritual mumbo jumbo that’s piled on top of what is fundamentally a simple practice.

Now I’m sure you’re put off by that kind of thing, and would like a practical no-nonsense guide to meditating that teaches you exactly what you need to know without any additional fluff.

And what’s more, if we’re continuing with our trend of being honest with ourselves, your primary motivation for learning meditation probably has a lot to do with being better with women.

So you want to not only learn meditation, but have it be fundamentally connected with approaching and meeting beautiful women.

Anything else?

Well, before we mentioned surrounding yourself with people more successful than you. I’m sure you’ve realised that support is incredibly important in life, so ideally you’d want others around you during the journey.

Hmm.

You know, I might have just the thing for you.

Playing It Clean And Simple

See, 2 years ago now I released an online course called the ‘Marshall Meditation Method’. I was tired of seeing all of the mixed messages out there on how to learn and practice meditation, and having been to my fair share of ‘snake oil salesmen’ in the past peddling nonsense I wanted to put together a simple, yet powerful course on how to learn meditation and get the most out of your practice.

I also had to consider that guys like you probably don’t have hours every day to sit around on a cushion practicing meditation (especially when you’d rather be out approaching!). So it had to fit in with a busy modern lifestyle.

The response alone demonstrated that this course achieved all of those goals, and more. Not only has it been the most successful online course I’ve released to date, but I’ve heard from hundreds of guys who took the course how it has dramatically changed their lives.

If that sounds like something you want to be a part of, the Marshall Meditation Method is available to you now. Over 5 weeks I’ll be guiding you through a simple, no nonsense guide to meditation, and you’ll even get access to a Private Facebook Group where you can interact with fellow course attendees and veterans alike. Click here to learn more about the Marshall Meditation Method today.

Getting out of your comfort zone is extremely important if you want to grow as a man. Yes, there are times when you need to huddle down and recoup, to rest and play things safe. But in my experience most men spend far too long in this phase, and the longer you’re playing it safe the more tempting it is to keep doing things that way.

Take the rest of the day to reflect on your comfort zone. Are there some parts of your life where nothing is really moving or changing? It might be time for you to identify where your comfort zone lies, what your particular fears are, and what steps you can take to overcome those fears.

 

Are You Tired Of Doing The Same Thing Over And Over?

The Alignment Problem

What are the mechanics of long term change? How can you rewire bad beliefs and old habits so you can start seeing real change in your life?

I already know by the mere fact that you’re reading this that right now something in your life isn’t the way that you want it to be.

Now because we’re not known for our cutting edge crypto secrets or body fat percentage hacks, I’m guessing it has something to do with dating, lifestyle design and spirituality.

If your dating life isn’t where you want it to be, it’s going to have a large part to do with your current habits. It’s not that they’re necessarily bad habits, but what it does mean is that your behaviour is misaligned with your goals.

…and that’s a big problem.

How To Motivate Yourself

To make things worse, you already know what you need to be doing; approaching more women. It’s pretty simple. We’ve spelled it out hundreds of times now, it’s been blasted at you on YouTube for however many months/years you’ve been following us.

Yet I’m guessing your behaviour hasn’t been in alignment with that knowledge.

So we need to really ask ourselves; how do we motivate ourselves to take action?

One of the biggest drivers that will get you taking action is emotion.

Yet that’s a tricky topic. As guys we tend to shy away from the idea that we’re emotional creatures, preferring to align ourselves with our keen intellect or our physical prowess.

To take it one step further, we as a company normally attract guys who are acutely intellectual, to the point that if something doesn’t fit within the realm of logic or reason it is cast aside as unimportant.

The trouble is that you’re under the influence of emotion every single moment of every single day, whether you like it or not.

And if you’re so caught up in your head, it’s likely that you’ve numbed yourself out from really feeling things. It’s only in extreme circumstances, like having to approach a random stranger on the street, that your emotion rears its ugly head and makes itself known as approach anxiety.

If you’re stuck trying to connect with your emotion but don’t really know where to begin or how to do it, I’d highly recommend checking out James Marshall’s 5 Week Online Course specifically designed to teach you meditation in a practical, no nonsense manner. The Marshall Meditation Method will give you the awareness you need to really slow things down, quieten your thoughts and explore the other parts of your experience; breathing, feelings, sensations. Click here to learn more about this groundbreaking course.

Making The Most Of Your Emotions

By tapping into your emotion and having a healthy relationship with it, you can actually use it to your advantage.

Because sure, it might be terrifying to approach that girl, and the resulting rejection could be incredibly humiliating.

But what if it went well?

How would that feel?

Would you feel happy? Excited? Curious?

Or maybe even…scared?

On workshops we teach guys to first get over this initial bundle of emotions, because often what stops guys from approaching is not what would happen if it went badly, but if went well.

Let’s say the girl actually does want to talk to you. What are you going to say? How are you going to conduct yourself in that interaction so she’ll actually want to see you again? How will you ask for her number?

It’s these steps we as coaches guide you through, because approaching isn’t the end game. If you just wanted to learn how to approach women, it’s a simple task. What you really want to learn is how to seduce women.

And for that, you need emotion. The long term change that is required in order for you to become a seducer involves you actually tapping in to how it would feel to be a seducer.

Some of the time it’s amazing. You feel like James Bond with an lustful minx on your arm who is going to rock your world the moment you get back to the bedroom. That’s a good feeling to hold on to.

But other times you can feel like a total failure, witnessing yourself making the same mistakes over and over again without any relief in sight.

What is going to get you through those times?

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know the answer:

Emotion.

So I’ll leave you with a question to ponder:

How do you want to feel?

If you need more, let me be more specific: how do you want to feel in relation to women, sex, dating and seduction?

Is Lifestyle Design The Hidden Key To Your Success With Women?

Getting Stuck In Seduction

If there is one thing I’ve learned being a dating coach is that men often don’t know what they don’t know.

I’m going to guess that you’re an intelligent guy, and the moment you want to get involved in something new your first impulse will be to study it. To gather a bunch of information by watching videos, reading books and blog posts, all hoping to find the hidden key that will unlock the door into the dating success you’ve always dreamed of.

Of course, this strategy means that you get to completely avoid any risks and stay safe in the comfort of your home.

Sometimes I have guys show up to be coached by me and learn that they’ve spent 5+ years watching our videos religiously, but have never done a single approach.

Now the obvious danger with this is that you’re essentially a hamster on a wheel, exhausting yourself thinking you’re getting somewhere but really staying in the same place.

The hidden danger, however, is that by learning more, you’re actually becoming more rigid in the way you think about things, and therefore the way you approach the world.

Things have to be a certain way, work a certain way, because that’s what you’ve learned and told yourself all of this time.

Seduction doesn’t work like that.

You’re Not As Smart As You Think

Sure, there are certain principles and habits you need to acquire in order to build a solid foundation from which you can then successfully engage with women.

But curiosity and an open mind will get you much further than any level of expertise with principles and adherence to habits. Even as coaches we’re constantly being surprised by the strange yet interesting things girls do or say that can often completely shift our way of thinking about seduction or women.

It might seem counter-intuitive, but the truth is that the more you learn, the more rigid you become in your thinking.

“No, it HAS to be like this!”.

“No! Women AREN’T like that!”

“No! That will NEVER work!”.

In seeking certainty and perfection, you’re denying yourself the ability to be spontaneous and creative.

So what is the thing that you don’t know that you don’t know?

It’s that you’re not as smart as you think.

No matter how much you’ve studied seduction, or how much experience you’ve acquired, there is always more to be learned.

10 years ago I was a broke hippy musician with a failing band and no prospects for my future. If I’m being really honest, I thought I was done. That I’d had my day in the sun, and things were only going to go downhill from here.

If you’re a guy in your 20’s I’m sure you can relate to that feeling, and if you’re past your 20’s, I’m sure you had those moments of doubt looking back.

Yet I managed to turn things around, becoming not only the worlds #1 natural seduction dating coach, but also go on to run a successful business that helps hundreds of men overcome their fears and blocks around women each year, live a lifestyle of freedom and adventure, and have an amazing girlfriend with whom I share this incredible lifestyle with. You can learn more about my journey in my book, A Natural History, which details my humble beginnings and the pivotal moments along the way that changed me into who I am today. Click here to learn more.

I don’t say all of this to brag, but to instead challenge your way of thinking.

There were certainly lucky moments along the way, and a fair amount of challenges, but these were not the key to my success.

Is it a deep and everlasting sense of curiosity that has been my greatest asset.

Curiosity Is Key

I’d wager I’d have never made it this far if I had settled on what I’d learned, declaring I had become a master of seduction, or that I knew all there could be learned about business, or that I’d never meet another interesting or valuable person again.

Most of my clients walk into a workshop with that kind of stagnation. They even say things like “I’ve got every other area of my life handled yet women have always been a weak point”.

What that tells me is that they’re hoping to one day reach a point where they are ‘done’ with seduction and dating.

And sure, you might end up getting married or reach a point where you don’t have to keep approaching every single day to have the abundance you want, but you’ll never truly be ‘done’.

Whenever I meet someone, whether it’s one of my clients or a new contact, I engage them with pure curiosity.

If you pay attention to most conversations, people are typically waiting for their chance to talk. Men in particular seek to express how knowledgeable they are or to prove themselves in someway. They do this with both men and women.

There’s a popular saying that “it’s not what you know, but who you know”.

I’d take that a step further and saying that it’s more about what you know about who you know.

Right now you could have some amazing people in your contact list, but so far you’ve only scratched the surface. You know that Dave is into soccer, that Luke knows a lot about the stock exchange, and Maria works in digital marketing.

But you’ve never actually made a true connection with them, have you?

So let me ask you this: Are your friendships about impressing others and proving yourself, or are you having real personal connections?

In today’s video you’ll catch Liam and I frolicking around the African savanna with a bunch of millionaires. We didn’t get invited because we’re millionaires, but because we’re interesting people, and more importantly, interested people. We’re genuinely curious about others, want to make connections, are nice to be around, and have a calming influence.

When you reach the level those men are at, they’re more likely to value the people they’re with rather than what those people can get or bring them.

 

Missing Out On Opportunities With Women?

Why Understanding ‘Pick-Up Theory’ Is Next To Useless

One of the things I’ve noticed from coaching guys in dating and seduction is that it’s tempting to gather a lot of information about ‘pick-up’ and establish yourself as a theory expert.

Typically this involves going through what I call an ‘information gathering phase’, where guys will do a lot of research, learning all there is to know about seduction and dating by reading books, obsessing over videos and philosophising about the mysteries of the female specimen.

And sometimes it’s nice to have a little knowledge in your pocket, because you need to have some kind of framework or system to refer to when things aren’t working and going your way.

However most of the time this information gathering phase is just another version of your comfort zone. I’m sure if given the task you could sit down and write a thesis on everything you’ve learned from watching our videos.

But you’ve never actually be able to apply any of it with much success.

So what’s the disconnect here?

Why aren’t you able to apply what you’re learning?

This Ain’t No Happily Ever After Story

On a recent workshop I was talking to a client from the UK who happened to be in his 40’s. It’s not typical for our clients to be that old, but it happens from time to time.

He was telling me a story about how he lived in Amsterdam at one stage, and every day he went into the same coffee shop and saw the same beautiful dutch girl. And all he wanted to do was walk up to her and say “hey…what’s your name?”.

In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t a big deal. He wasn’t talking about having wild kinky sex or marrying her. Just forming a basic connection with a stranger.

For months and months he struggled with this simple task.

Now I’d like to be able to end the story by saying “until one day, he worked up the courage and was greeted by a warm smile. Eventually they did go on a date and had a wonderful time”.

So romantic, right?

But that’s not what happened. This isn’t Hollywood. There is no happy ending here, unless you count him finally working up the courage to attend a workshop with us.

Instead he eventually left Amsterdam, and never saw the girl again.

The regret was so powerful that he held onto the memory of that girl ever since. She came to represent his inability to step outside of his comfort zone, to risk his ego of being a ‘polite respectable Englishman’, and ultimately, his failure to change.

I’m sure that’s a story you can relate to. There’s a girl at your local coffee shop, or at your gym, or that you see on your way to work every single day that you’d love to just go and meet.

Yet you cannot do it.

Even though you’ve meticulously gathered all of this data and information about dating and seduction, the dots aren’t connecting to the point where you can actually take action.

Introducing: Social Freedom

Social Freedom has become another one of these industry buzzwords like ‘approach anxiety’ or ‘shit test’.

But most guys think it’s just the ability to not care what people think. To do some silly pranks on the street and forget about it the next day.

Here at The Natural Lifestyles, Social Freedom goes a lot deeper. It’s actually a way of life, a philosophy, and I don’t say that lightly.

The fact that you aren’t able to be socially free means that you’re a slave to someone else’s way of life.

Think about that for a second. You’re so caught up in what other people think of you, so worried about being judged for being different, that you’d rather waste year after year missing out on opportunities to connect with people then break out of those confines.

How does that feel? What’s it like to know that you’re not the powerful, independent free-thinking man you’re pretending to be, but just another cog in the machine of society, playing your role, doing your part, following the rules?

Does it make you frustrated?

Do you get scared thinking about staying that way for the rest of your life?

Do you regret having never broken out of the mould you’ve been stuck in?

These might sound like frivolous questions in an email that you’ll ponder for a moment before moving on, but unless you actually make some kind of change you will stay the same. Sure, maybe you’ll haphazardly bump into some random girl who you end up in a relationship with, and never think about any of this stuff again.

But for the other 99% of you out there who won’t get lucky, what are your options?

To continue being a slave to social norms that don’t even make sense?

Or to actually go for what you want?

If you’re ready to start taking action and applying all of that information you’ve gathered, the best way to do so is to sign up for our beginners online course, the Dating Accelerator. Unlike our YouTube videos which focus on the ‘why’ of dating and seduction, the Dating Accelerator will be giving you the ‘how’. Practical steps you can begin taking TODAY to start meeting women in your city, along with homework exercises and the opportunity to connect with like-minded guys in our exclusive private Facebook group. Learn more about the Dating Accelerator by clicking here.

Why Girls Are Flaking On You

One Of The Most Frustrating Aspects Of Seduction

Have you ever been on a date with a girl that went REALLY well, only to never hear from her again?

It can be incredibly confusing to know what to do once you’ve texted a girl to invite her on a second date, only to not have her respond.

What’s the deal?

Why do girls go cold even when the date goes really well?

I know there are a lot of other dating coaches out there who would tell you there is a secret ‘flake-busting’ text you could send that will guarantee that she’ll respond and be begging for you to take her on another date.

But I know that’s not what you’re here for.

You’ve come to me and subscribed to these emails because you know I’m going to tell you how things really are and not rip you off with lame ‘techniques’ that don’t work and waste your time and money.

The “Super Magical Deluxe Cream That INSTANTLY Removes Seduction Pain!”

If you’re a beginner at seduction, the first 1-3 years are simply the most furious and frustrating years of learning. There’s no way to get around this other than to just put in the work. Sure, there are things you can do to make the process less painful, but bottom line is that you’re going to have to get rejected a lot, and will feel like giving up the majority of the time.

And when I say beginner, that means that you’re a guy who’s approaching 1-2 women a day.

If you’re approaching 1 girl a week, or worse, 1 a month, you’re not really taking this seriously. You’re just in the research phase, which basically means you’re gathering a lot of information hoping to find some secret solution that will help you to avoid the painful part.

Trust me, it doesn’t exist.

But during this time you’re going to get a lot of flakes. It’s totally normal. Your game and social skills will be incredibly uncalibrated, you’ll have a lot of mental blocks and bad mindsets which you’re probably oblivious to, and the constant rejection and frustration will contribute to any existing emotional baggage you already have from past break-ups or other negative experiences with women.

So how can you make this easier?

The best thing you can do is to change your mindset on why women flake.

Understanding Why Women Flake

The truth is that you’re an average male in correlation with the range of women that are available to date.

If we stick with a primitive rating system where we plot women and men on a scale of 1-10, you’re likely sitting at a 5, maybe a 6.

And you’re probably getting into this to be dating 9’s and 10’s (because why would you put yourself through the humiliation and rejection to be dating the same fat girls you did before you got into game?).

Now I can already hear the out pour of objections from all of you who think you’re an exception to this rule.

“But James, I’m a really smart guy!”

“Uh, a 5? Seriously? Dude, I’ll have you know that I work out 5 days a week”

“James, I’ve dated a model in the past. If you think I’m a 5, you’re kidding yourself buddy”.

And yeah, I get it. It’s easy to get caught up in believing that because of random encounters you’ve had in the past, or having generally good qualities which are useful in life, that you’ll then have something to offer these high caliber women.

You don’t.

You need to understand the broader picture of dating and the sexual marketplace.

Because in any other area you would never make such a huge lapse in judgement.

You wouldn’t start out as a novice screenwriter and approach Steven Spielberg hoping he’ll direct your movie.

You wouldn’t play some pick-up games of basketball with friends and expect to be mentored by Michael Jordan.

You wouldn’t walk into a gym having never lifted weights before and expect to bench 400 pounds.

It would be the equivalent of me, a successful entrepreneur and business owner, approaching Elon Musk with a cool idea for an app.

And yeah, I am successful and good at what I do. I am intelligent, good looking, a well rounded human being who is interesting and enjoyable to spend time with. And maybe the app is actually an incredible idea.

But we’re talking about the guy who’s trying to take humanity to Mars.

Someone who’s on a completely different level.

Knowing Where You Stand

So when you send that girl a generic text hoping she’s going to instantly pick up her phone, get excited that you’ve contacted her and respond immediately, you’re kidding yourself.

Hot women, I’m talking the really quality 9’s and 10’s, have multiple offers from a range of different men who simply have more to offer than you.

It might be money, or social opportunities, or drugs, or anything else that particular woman finds valuable.

But trust me, if she’s hot, and she wants it, there’s going to be some guy out there who can offer it to her in exchange for sex.

Is it fair?

Absolutely not.

But is it reality?

Yes.

So where to from here?

The first thing you need to accept is that flakes are going to happen a lot, no matter how good you get at this.

The best way to counter that is to ensure you’re maximizing your options by approaching a lot of women. Not 1 a month, but 1-2 a day on a consistent basis. If you still don’t know how to approach and are struggling to get started, I’ve created a course specifically designed to help YOU overcome your approach anxiety and start meeting more women. The Dating Accelerator is a 3 week practical nuts and bolts guide to approaching that will help you through the hardest phase of the seduction journey. Click here to learn more.

Secondly, you need to get comfortable living in the weird paradox of being needy, but non-attached. Simply put, this means taking actions that may feel and seem needy, but from a place of being unattached to the outcome. Sending her that additional text a week later after she still hasn’t responded, but not getting caught up in whether or not it works.

Finally, it’s crucially important to not take any of this personally. Girls aren’t ignoring you because you’re a bad person or fundamentally flawed. They just have better offers. That’s life. If you had people offering you free shit, of course you’d take it. And if it’s not them playing the value game, sometimes they’re truly busy, or got back together with their ex, or are lazy, or you just didn’t do enough in the interaction to warrant a response.